


The Life and Times of Felicity Smoak

by 1StrangenessandCharm1



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Original Character(s), Romance, Strong Female Characters, Violence, olicity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-02-21 10:36:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2465150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1StrangenessandCharm1/pseuds/1StrangenessandCharm1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because she was tired of being weak, she was tired of being second best, and because she loved him more than anyone else. It was all for him, and she hoped that in the end he could be happy. She had sacrificed enough for him to have that at least.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Loved

I.

This was the part that she always hated. It wasn't the blood; she'd gotten over her squeamishness for the substance after a couple more times of getting to play doctor. It wasn't even the wound itself, the feel of damaged flesh beneath her fingers as she carefully worked to fix it.

No, what bothered her was the fact that all of this always happened to Oliver, and sometimes - despite knowing all the good they'd managed to do as a team - she wished he didn't do what he did. Because it always made her heart ache to see him hurt.

She chastised him about not being more careful, even though she knew it wasn't fair of her to do so. He gave her that look of his that mirrored his knowledge of the unfairness, but otherwise ignored it. Sometimes she thought he knew, or at least suspected, how much him being hurt upset her. If he did he didn't say anything of it, and that was fine. She preferred it that way.

Felicity watched as Oliver took a half a pill of one of Diggle's "aspirins", just enough to help him sleep and ignore the pain, but not enough that it would impair his ninja like awareness and reflexes. After he swallowed it and some water down, he resumed his previous position on the hard metallic table she used to cure him. Quite frankly Felicity didn't think she could ever sleep comfortably on that unforgiving surface, but then again she supposed Oliver must have endured much worse. With a small sigh she got up from her stool and walked over to her computers, shutting each of them down and caressing them lovingly. They were her babies after all.

There was a small box that she liked to keep underneath the case where Oliver kept his vigilante suit. She quickly walked over and pulled it out, bypassing the loose set of unisex flannel pajamas that she had put in there and taking out the tiny pillow and blanket she had also managed to stuff inside. She didn't like to, but sometimes sleeping in the foundry was unavoidable, and if she was going to do it she might as well make herself as comfortable as possible. Approaching Oliver as silently as she could, she set the pillow down by his head, not wanting to actually move it and place it underneath him. God only knew that kind of reaction attempting to move his head while he slept would solicit from the over aware and always ready to strike man, but she hoped that at some point he might grab it and use it. The blanket she took more liberty with.

It was a deep green - her favorite shade - and was incredibly light, but was still soft and kept her very warm. She draped it over him quickly, making sure it covered him from chest to toes. She took a step back and admired her work, glad that she could do these small things to make him more comfortable.

And like it always did, she felt her heart give a painful little squeeze as she looked at him. To Felicity he truly was beautiful, heartbreakingly so, and it wasn't just because of his gorgeous face or amazing body. It was because of the strength with which he loved and cared about the people in his life. Different kinds of love definitely, but love nonetheless. She reached out, her hand trembling slightly as it approached his face, and gently caressed his cheek with the back of her fingers.

For a moment, just the smallest passing of seconds really, she let herself feel all those things she tried not to. She thought about the butterflies that filled her stomach when he looked at her with that small smile of his she so rarely got to see as she traced the outline of his lips. Thought of the way fire seemed to blaze on her skin whenever he touched her as she gently caressed the stubble on his jaw, and then moved to follow his perfect eyebrows with her fingertips.

Just like that however, she took her hand back, feeling a little embarrassed to have let herself get so carried away. This was dangerous territory, and she knew it. Swallowing down the lump in her throat, Felicity stood up and walked away. She fought down the feelings, like she did every time he so much as glanced in her direction.

Her apartment and bed were waiting for her, and so she grabbed her purse and left as quickly and as quietly as she could, not daring to look back one more time. If she had, she might have seen his eyes as they followed her out, or maybe the slightest curving of his lips as they turned up at just the corners, but then down as a confused frown took its place. Or maybe she might have seen the way he grabbed the small pillow and that smelled like her hair and placed it underneath his head, taking just the smallest of sniffs, before closing his eyes again.


	2. Coin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were moments when Felicity desperately wished for and missed her old life. Days when the mind numbing workload from being Oliver Queen's executive assistant began to make her head hurt were abundant with those moments.

He knew.

Of course he did.

Right?

Yeah… she had been silly to think that she could basically molest his face and get away with it. Honestly… who did that? Apparently, one very in trouble yet totally helpless IT girl. How could she be blamed? He was so rottenly good looking and perfectly sculpted – even his scars somehow made him more attractive – and she just couldn't help herself. One tiny stolen moment of intimacy and she was sure she would never be able to live down her embarrassment.

Okay, so maybe he hadn't said anything yet, but she knew that somehow he knew. He had walked into the foundry that evening with a frown on his face. The frown wasn't exactly new, she was used to his constant frowning. Apparently it was his facial default setting unless something else happened to solicit another expression. No, what made her so sure that her moment of indiscretion had not gone unnoticed was his reaction to her. Just the smallest falter in his stride, usually so sure and confident. He looked at her with that look of his that spoke of a thousand different things, but at the same time managed to obscure them just enough that she only got just the gist. The problem today was that this time she wasn't sure she understood what that was. Usually she could read him better, respond to him and adapt to him in ways that she was sure she'd never been able to do with another man before him. He was just Oliver, and she always tried her best to be his girl. Not his girl girl obviously, but she'd been over it before she was sure. It made more sense in her head than it did out loud.

There was a wall.

Suddenly she felt ill, her stomach twisting in knots and her hands and fingers twisting nervously over her keyboards. It was the presence of that wall between them that had her so on edge. How could she have been so careless?

Just the smallest of minutes passed, but it was enough that her quick brain processed through this and allowed her to fidget, freeze, and correct her behavior. The physical part was the easy part, getting her body to move and do exactly what she wanted. It was her inability to use this same control over her mouth that often landed her in the rambling – and quite frankly extremely embarrassing – situations that she, more often than not, found herself in.

"Felicity?"

She jumped at the sound of his voice, even though he had used that gentle tone of his. The one she very rarely heard him use for others, and heard directed towards her quite a lot. Ignoring the fluttering of butterflies in her stomach she turned away from her beloved monitors and looked him dead in the eye.

Hold strong Felicity, don't say a thing and don't act guilty. What isn't discussed can't be used to make you feel so… egh!

His eyes were still guarded, but he smiled – just the tiniest upward quirk of his lips really – before he reached into his pocket and held something out to her.

She cupped her hands and was surprised by how heavy the small object he dropped into her hands was. Picking it up between her thumb and index finger she examined the small bronze coin. It was definitely old, probably older than her grandparents would be if they were still alive, but there was something about it that looked extremely familiar. It was a little dirty, and most of its features were covered with black stains that didn't reveal much.

"Interesting, but why did you give me this coin?" She raised her eyes to look at him and saw the slight amusement that decorated his features before he rained it in again.

"I managed to find this along the trail this thief left behind on his last raid. Thought maybe you could look into it and see if there's anything of worth to it."

She smiled now. This was familiar territory, this was what she was good at. She would simply use gentle chemicals that would reveal the coin's features and scan it before cross referencing it with every relatable thing that popped up. She was fairly sure that either one of them could do this as well, but it made her happy that he came to her with these kinds of things. Not because she felt he was giving her the tasks that didn't particularly require any special set of skills and could be done by anyone, but because he always tried to make her feel like she belonged. And yes, she would probably be able to find some information on it that they could somehow miss, because when it came to computers and information gathering; no one was her equal.

She enclosed the small but heavy coin in her fist and smiled up at him. "I'm your girl," was all she said.

There were moments when Felicity desperately wished for and missed her old life. Days when the mind numbing workload from being Oliver Queen's executive assistant began to make her head hurt were abundant with those moments.

Sure the computers Oliver had given her had more processing power than most assistant's computers – not much, and nowhere near what she would like to have – but she felt like she was no more than a human glorified calendar app.

This was ridiculous.

"You ready to go?" The sound of his voice sent shivers down her spine. It had taken a while, but she had finally been able to completely control visibly reacting to him.

She raised her eyes to meet his gaze where he was standing at the edge of her desk looking at her expectantly.

"I still have a lot of work to do," she lied easily. Having eyed the huge workload in the morning, she had worked through her lunch hour in hopes of getting everything done early. She knew that Oliver would expect them to go to the foundry and commence their nighttime vigilante jobs, but she was more interested in the coin that he had given her, and she was eager to begin her analysis of it.

He raised his eyebrows at her, and for once had the grace to look apologetic. It was still a common occurrence for her to express her distaste for her forced change in career.

"I'm sure it could wait." He spoke softly, giving her that look that made her stomach do little summersaults.

Today however, would not be one of those days when she fell to the charms of Oliver Queen. She smiled wryly at him, tilting her head to the side. "Not unless you want to show up to your meeting tomorrow with a half finished presentation that'll leave the investors so disappointed they'll be pulling their support faster than you can shoot an arrow."

Again he opened his mouth to speak, but the slight narrowing of her eyes had him closing it. Oliver was a smart man after all, and even he knew better than to test Felicity when it came to matters such as these.

"I'll see you later then?" his implication of it being at the foundry was not lost on her, which was why she simply pursed her lips and shrugged. Surely they could make it through one mission without her. They had before if she remembered correctly, albeit not as smoothly. Of that fact, she would always be proud.

For a moment the wall he that had sprung up between them fell and his beautiful blue eyes searched her face. But while his wall had fallen, she had been quick to put one up of her own. It wasn't fair, she decided stubbornly. She couldn't be the open book to him all the time, while he so casually shut her out whenever something got too deep, or too far into his darkest secrets. This, whatever their relationship was, would simply not work that way.

Whether he found whatever it was he was looking for, or if he simply gave up she didn't know. His brows pressed together in confusion, and she felt the urge to smooth out the crease that he made between his eyebrows. She clasped her hands together in her lap, silently willing them to obey. With one last look at her face Oliver turned around and walked out of the office.

Her quiet sigh of relief however, still managed to reach his ears.


	3. Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She knew that there was always something to be found, the smallest clue or the slightest image that pointed to the origins of something. Only this time there was nothing.

III.

She wasn't sure if her frustration was at herself for not being able to find anything, or at the stupid coin for being so damn featureless and hard to identify in the first place. Felicity had raced home that night to begin her work on the coin. There was something about it that just snagged her curiosity in way that nothing had managed since her very first introduction to computers.

That alone should have warned her that there would be something more to this.

But like any good easily involved person, she had very pointedly decided to ignore her better judgment. Still, that didn't mean that she would find much, and only after she had thoroughly cleaned the coin and uploaded its image to her computer only to find absolutely nothing on it did she stop to think about how dangerous the coin could possibly be.

That too only piqued her curiosity to new extremes.

She knew that there was always something to be found, the smallest clue or the slightest image that pointed to the origins of something. Only this time there was nothing. Nothing more than ways to find antique coins and trading and collecting. There wasn't anything that remotely resembled it, the features were too worn out to make anything clear anymore, but to Felicity it looked like maybe it could be a bird. There were some raised markings on the bottom of the coin, clear enough that she could see that they were supposed to a foreign language, but not so clear that her computed could make out which one.

The computers at the foundry however, could have much better luck. She looked quickly at the cat shaped clock that hung above the entrance to her small kitchen. It was 11:35 p.m. late enough that Oliver and John would either be out patrolling right now, or otherwise have decided to go home if nothing too interesting happened. Felicity estimated that by the time she got there, her predictions would definitely but true.

She donned a simple white cardigan and jeans, and opted for a pair of ballet flats that were merciful on her feet after walking around Queen Consolidated all day in high heels. Laptop, keys, and mysterious coin in hand she locked her apartment behind her and made her way as quickly as possible to her car. She never quite liked being alone and outside this late at night.

The foundry was mercifully empty when she got there, and instantly she felt a weight lift off her shoulders. Taking a deep breath of air she made a beeline for her computers. This was home. Sure her apartment was where she slept and watched all her Doctor Who seasons over and over - all of them, because classic Doctor Who was amazing and drool worthy in its own right - but this… the foundry with its computers and deadly weapons and workout equipment – of which she only rarely used - was where she felt like she belonged. The computers started within seconds and she went to work, her fingers flying across the keyboard as she lost herself in the familiar comfort of the virtual world.

She stifled a yawn and rubbed her eyes, the small interruption serving as a reminder to check the time. It was now three in the morning. The surprise that should have registered didn't, but she supposed that after this becoming and increasing occurance -especially when she was in the foundry - it really shouldn't surprise her anymore. So far the coin remained almost as much a mystery as before, except she had managed to use the computers to enhance the image on the coin. Her initially suspicion had been right, and she felt a little triumphant at having gotten it mostly correct. The bird had once been an owl, wings extended as it took flight. What kind of owl was still a mystery, but it had been a victory in her books.

While the prograrm she had quickly modified had done its work on the coin, she had scanned every possible department or bureau for any information anyone might have gathered or discovered about the Starling City vigilante. Everything that seemed a little too dangerous was either carefully modified to be incorrect, or deleted altogether. It would be too suspicious to just delete everything, and she didnt't want anyone suspecting that he could - or had someone who could - hack into government and local databases. While the challange of breaking past something more difficult was interesting, she dind't really want the added hassle whenever time was of the essance. She considered this taking one for the team.

She picked up te coin, desperately wishing that there was something more to it that could help her with it.

And then it hit her. Feeling slighly silly and stupid for not having thought of her new idea sooner she began her search anew, only this time deciding to focus on organizations with the owl as their emblem. It was a long shot, but she felt that the coin had been important for a reason, and in the state it was in she somehow doubted that its importance came from its monetary value.

It took her a little while to modify the face recognition softwhere, but once she had it done she set it so that it would instantly recognize anything and everyone with an owl shaped coin or emblem that even remotely resembled the one she had. Feeling satisfied with the work she had managed to do, she got up and looked around the foundry. It was now four in the morning and while the prospect of simply staying here to sleep instead of driving back to her apartment was tempting, she knew that the hassle to go home and change quickly before work was not something she wanted to deal with. Though she knew Oliver would barely bat an eyelash if she came in a little late, she wanted to maintain her image of professionalism, and that included punctuality.

Heavens forbid that her tardiness and subsequent lack of punishment be another reason everyone add to their suspicions that her promotion to excuive assistant was simply the result of her hiking up her skirt and spredding her legs over Oliver's desk.

She would have blushed at the thought, had her outrage at such thinking not overshdowed the small flutering of butterflies everytime she thought about the possibility of being intimate with Oliver in that way. Felicity had simply decided that some people were idiots, and that thinking the only way a woman could earn such a promotion was by offering special services made them even more so.

Still, it was nice to take her frustration out on Oliver who couldn't simply leave her and her potentially -but in all reality assured - amazing IT career alone.

Once again gathering her things, she left her beloved computers running to complete their task before giving the foundry a quick once over. It was always hard to imagine it the way it had been, completely destroyed and seemingly impossible to repair. But she had worked diligently to put it back to its former glory, quite possibly working harder than the others who seemed to think that perhaps it was time to move to a new lair.

The place had charm however, and she had vehemently fought any and all thoughts of simply moving somewhere else. A small part of her agreed with them, stating that this place was found entirely too often and was known by too many people, but for every reason this more reasonable part of her came up the emotionally attached side of her came up with barely passable rationalizations. She could always beef up the security, and considering how many of them now knew about Team Arrow and were either a part of it or in cahoots, there could always be someone present here.

Like she said, barely passable rationalizations.

She stopped by the small hooks attached to one of the beams by the stairs and examined the coat that now hung from one of them. It was obviously a womans, a simple black pea coat but with the waist tucked in to accentuate the curves. Her eyes narrowed just the slightest bit as she recognized where it was from.

Laurel.

It wasn't that Felicity didn't like Laurel, in all reality Laurel wasn't exactly a dislikable person - for the most part - but she was wary of her. Laurel seemed... fickle. Her reactions to and about the Arrow had always been changing from one extreme to the other. One day he was a savior, and the next he was a monster and a criminal. She could still remeber the slight feeling of exhasparation and confusion when John told her all about those moments. She hadn't been part of the team then, and she knew John would always do his best to make her as knoweledgable about the people they were dealing with as much as possible.

Speaking of which she really needed to start shopping for a crib or a baby car seat. Lyla was now six months pregnant, and Felicity was absolutley extatic at the thought of being an aunt. John had simply chuckled when she told him this and looked at her with a gaze that spoke of deep friendship and appreciation, and of that she was glad, after all she returned those feelings in full.

* * *

 

"Felicity?"

Ignore the feelings woman! The thought was instant in her head.

"Oliver," she smiled as gently as she could at him. He looked at her uncertainly, his eyes betraying the warriness that she knew he didn't want to show.

"I think you should head home for the day."

Her eyebrows rose at his words, and she could have sworn he leaned back just the slightest of inches.

"Why?" The question came out sharper than she meant it, but at the same time she was proud of the strength in her voice. She had expereinced trouble looking at him, much less speaking to him, for a little while after his "I love you" ruse. Of course she understood why he had done it, and given the results him managing to outfox Slade had solicited, she couldn't reproach him for it. At least not logically. But she wasn't as logical as her computers, and somewhere inside she knew that the desperation with which she had wished his words were true caused her to resent him. Even if only just a little.

"Have you looked in the mirror today?"

Her eyes narrowed, but he held his own. In that moment she seriously couldn't see how he had been such a player in his earlier years. The tact with which he spoke sometimes seemed more of a lifelong thing than something that resulted from five years on a deserted island.

She was of course, just speculating.

"As a matter of fact I didn't have much time to do so this morning, and I don't exactly carry around a mirror with me at all times." There we go! There was the strength she wanted in her voice. Solid and unwavering, much like her current baleful glare.

"You look like you haven't slept a wink, and I saw you nodding off earlier. Go home, get some rest, no one will say a thing if you leave early just this once." The tone he used - while gentle - spoke of finality, an order which she had to obey.

He should have known better than to expect her to take it kindly.

"You listen to me Oliver Queen! I will do what I damn well please with my nights and my sleeping habbits. Just because you are my boss, doesn't mean you get to tell me what to do. Well I mean I guess it does, but not when it comes to this. Honestly you'd think someone as smart as you would be able to figure it out by now. People are always going to talk, and while I'm here I will always be the girl with the loose skirt and the open legs that somehow managed to seduce her hunky boss to get her position. And wow I cannot believe I just said that! I'm going to stop right now in 3... 2... 1..."

The amusement on his face was apparent, and she knew the reason he bit his lip was to keep himself from saying anything in response, or quite possibly smiling at another one of her rambling moments.

"I just thought-"

"Well don't! Let me do my job, which is to help you do your job, which will in turn help us do our night job so that we can continue to do these jobs. Wow that was convoluted, it makes so much more sense in my head."

"I gathered."

Her eyes narrowed again and rather than risking opening her mouth again she pointed very sharply at his office. He took the hint, and even had the audacity to look a little like a kid being sent to his room, and left her alone.

It was only after she had continued to work half the day and taken a nap in her car during her lunch hour that she realized why the altercation with him had been so familiar yet so strange at the same time.

For the first time in weeks, the wall between them had been completely down, and he had let her back in.

Her cheeks started to hurt that night after having smiled so much that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am also on fanfiction.net as 1Strangeness-Charm1. I am trying to go through and edit the story as much as possible, but the story is more recently updated there. Thank you guys for all the kudos! I'm glad that this story is getting a good reception. This will probably be the only note I leave for on this story. Sorry for the rambling darlings.


	4. Daughters of Wisdom

IV.

She knew that it was supposed to hurt. She had felt disappointment before, an excruciating number of times, but even so she hadn't expected it to hurt quite this much. The stabbing pain in her chest, as if someone was violently twisting her insides, only served to remind her that her fear that she would always be second best was solidly founded.

It had taken her a while to notice it, mostly because she always tried to avoid Laurel whenever she might happen to be at the foundry, and more recently Oliver. She felt bad at her avoidance of the other woman. She didn't have anything against her personally, but she felt that being forced to bare witness to the obvious feelings and chemistry that existed between Oliver and Laurel was a bit to much for anyone to expect for her to put up with.

Luckily the other gorgeous woman very rarely stopped by the foundry, preferring to help the team from the vantage point of the DA's office. In the wake of Slade's attack on Starling City and the death of the DA, Laurel had stepped up to fill her shoes. At least until a new mayor and subsequently a new DA were appointed.

Sometimes Felicity still couldn't believe just how Sebastian Blood had been able to fool them all. Maybe it was because unlike Isabel Rochev - who had been unpleasant since day one - Blood had been charming and seemingly harmless.

Felicity sat in front of her computers at the foundry, only occasionally looking at the screens. The program she had set up last week was still running, and so far there was little headway, but sometimes these things took time. It was all a matter of being patient, and then she'd have her perp. She muffled her giggle by turning it into a cough, but John looked at her curiously either way. She simply shook her head and returned her attention to the training mats, the source of her displeasure and disappointment.

Felicity never liked for John to train her in front of Oliver. Take it as a pride thing, but something about getting her butt handed to her - even if it was as a way to show her how to defend herself - was not something she was particularly interested in him seeing. Especially when Oliver himself could go toe to toe with John and give the the other man a run for his money.

So naturally she tried to have John arrange their training sessions for times when Oliver was almost guaranteed to not be there.

Almost however, was not nearly as good as absolutely.

_"John, sometimes I think you take a little bit too much pleasure in nocking me around silly. Is this payback for all those times I didn't bring you any Thai food? Because if so, I whole heartedly apologize and want you to know that I don't do it intentionally, I just get into my own head sometimes and I forget that you and Oliver are going to be here."_

_John's answering grunt only served to make her think her suspicion was that much more founded, but before she could say so he interrupted her. "Felicity while I do enjoy Thai food, our training sessions are simply to make sure that you can defend yourself. Oliver and I think it's best if we don't have a repeat of what happened with the Clock King. You did well Felicity, but taking a bullet every time you take down one of the bad guys is not something we're eager to see._

_That of course shut her right up, and if she was being honest she felt touched that they cared as much as they did._

_But as soon as they walked into the lair the sound of grunts and the angry smack of flesh being hit greeted them. Oliver and Laurel, to whom Felicity had barely spoken more than four words to, were training on one of the many large execersize mats that occupied the side of the lair not taken up by their "crime-fighting" equipment - as Felicity liked to call it._

_Instantly_ _a strange feeling crept up on her, leaving her chest just a little more hollow than it had been before she saw them. She couldn't exactly pinpoint why she felt like she did, and because of that the exact nature of the feeling itself shrouded itself to her._

_Sometimes she really did wish she could be as emotionlessly logical as her computers._

_"You two are really going at it, mind if we join you?" John spoke just as Felicity was already turning around, and she found herself cursing silently under her breath. John turned to look at her, his eyebrows puckered in confusion before he schooled his features. Sometimes he was a little too perceptive for his own good._

_Felicity looked at Oliver, very pointedly looking at only his face and not his naked torso. Nothing you haven't seen before Felicity, she thought quickly to herself._

_Oliver turned to look at her, seemingly sizing her up before shaking his head. "We were actually just finishing up." At his words Laurel sighed in relief and sat down on the mat, her fingers flying to undo the bandages that covered her fists with an eagerness that Felicity understood only too well. Oliver looked a little amused before he walked away from her, putting on his shirt as he passed John and Felicity and headed towards the stairs._

_John turned to Felicity and nudged his head in the direction of the other mat. She rolled her eyes at him but walked over. Sitting cross legged on the floor, she began to wrap her hands in bandages just as Laurel finished unwrapping hers. The other woman looked over at her and smiled, and for a second Felicity was struck by just how genuine she seemed to be._

_Nothing like not being able to hate the competition. Not that there was any competition, it wasn't like Laurel and Felicity were enemies, sworn forever to fight each other for Oliver's affections. The image of the two of them duking it out on these very mats filled her head before she shook it aside. Now she was just being silly._

_"I can see why you'd rather Diggle train you. Oliver means well but I think he might be overdoing it. I was skeptical when he offered to teach me at first, but for different reasons. Now I wish that my original fear was right, I think I might just fall apart completely." Laurel laughed softly and shook her head, a few strands of her brown hair falling loose from its ponytail._

_Felicity simply smiled back, her eyes quickly flying over to John whose lips were pursed and brow furrowed in concentration. She could almost hear just how much thougt he was putting into Laurel's words._

_"John can be pretty brutal too," Felicity piped up, and her ruse worked. John raised his eyes to look at her and then quickly narrowed them, playfully daring her to continue._

_Absolutely sure that she would be paying for it in a couple moments, but determined to be as friendly to Laurel as possible, Felicity raised her arm and showed her a bruise just below her shoulder. "This is from a week and half ago when I messed up and he ended up hitting me there." The bruise was yellowing now, only slightly purple around the edges, but the discolored area was still big enough that it's initial size and "severity" could still be made out._

_Laurel hissed appreciatively and raised her leg, a similar bruise located just above her shin. "I tried kicking him and he punched my leg away, I distinctly remember having to limp home that night."_

_The two women laughed in unison, and Felicity felt proud of herself. She was a grown adult, and was more than capable of schooling her reactions and emotions. It wasn't a if Laurel had ever done anything to her on purpose. Her only fault was that she was the woman Oliver loved, something Felicity was sure she would always be slightly jealous of._

"Felicity!" John's voice, now loud enough that Felicity was positive he had repeated her name at least a couple times before, disturbed her concentration.

She raised her hand and pushed her glasses up her nose even thought they were already in the place she liked them. It was just something she did without thinking about it until after she ha done it. "What's up?"

John raised an eyebrow at her attempted nonchalance, clearly not believing her.

"You've been staring at the mat for twenty minutes, and don't try to tell me you've been working. You haven't touched your keyboard and the screens already went dark.

To her chagrin Felicity realized he was right, and quickly tapped a couple buttons to bring the screens back to life. "Care to share your thoughts?" John prompted.

She regarded him for a second, before deciding that this - what she was thinking - was just not worth the trouble of bothering him with it too.

He frowned at her as she shook her head and took a couple steps towards her. "You know you can always share what you're thinking with me, no matter what it is?"

Her response was forgotten as Oliver came up behind him, brow furrowed in curiosity and his lips turned just slightly down at the corners.

"Everything okay?" he asked, his gaze focused on Felicity.

Somehow this made it worse, and Felicity felt herself tense up as he looked at her. Not this time however. She wouldn't fall victim to that look of concern on his face. Not now when she knew all too well just how little it actually meant.

"Everything is fine," she insisted and gave them both a looked that left absolutely no room for doubt. Whatever it was that was bothering her, they wouldn't so much as hear a word of it, at least not tonight.

She turned her attention back to her computer and saw that the image of a woman was front and center.

Her program had finally done its job. She shooed the both of them away, ignoring the look they exchanged as she did so, and focused on the small picture.

It had been taken by the camera of an ATM as she walked by what must have been a bank. Her hands quickly flew across the keyboard as she typed furiously, watching as the image was enhanced as much as she could make it.

While it was still not as crystal clear as she would like it to be, the picture was still more than she could have hoped for. Felicity knew that whoever she was, the woman was drop dead gorgeous. Her skin was a delicate and pretty ivory, the curtains of dark hair that framed her face in stark contrast to the lightness of her skin. She had almond shaped eyes and perfectly shaped nose, small and demure and as perfectly proportioned as the rest of her appeared to be.

But what struck Felicity the most was the image of the owl on a necklace that hung from neck. Unlike her coin, the necklace was made from delicately woven metal, that only made the shape of the owl and the circle around it.

She gasped excitedly and zoomed in the necklace, finally able to look at the words that were scratched onto the bottom half of the metal circlet. Within a few moments Felicity had managed to decipher the entirety of the phrase and nearly shook with excitement at the translation she had been able to procure.

"Daughters of Wisdom"

* * *

 

She was probably being childish. Scratch that, she knew for a fact that she was being childish, but there was something about this little tidbit of information that she couldn't bring herself to share with John and Oliver, at least not yet.

The looks of confusion that had decorated their faces was the only thing that let her know she at least had managed to fool them. Felicity wasn't quite sure for how long exactly, but she knew that it would at least be long enough for her to think of some sort of excuse.

It was silly really, but she almost felt like the coin and its inscription were sacred somehow. Showing it to her partners wasn't something that she was comfortable doing just yet. And it scared her.

Sure there were things she wasn't always comfortable telling Oliver about, even after he had let her know that she could always open up to him. It was easier said than done. John on the other hand was her confidant, she felt more comfortable telling him the things that normally made her cringe if she even thought about sharing them with Oliver. Not necessarily because she trusted him more, or because she loved or cared about him more than she did Oliver, but simply because wasn't in love with him. Not that she was in love with Oliver. Of course not. She was attracted, there was no denying that, and there was definitely something about the way he talked to her that sent her heart racing in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with his looks and was elicited simply because of the kind of person he was. But that definitely didn't mean she was in love with him... Right?

She shook her head vehemently as she walked up the stairs and pushed her glasses up her nose. That kind of convoluted thinking would give her a headache in a way that code and breaking firewalls never could.

Verdant was still empty, but she knew that the club wouldn't remain like that for long. Even after Thea had left Starling City, Oliver had found someone trustworthy to run the club. It was after all, one of the many things that had been taken from him when his family company had been seized, and then returned when Isabel Rochev died and he had managed to regain it. Not alone of course, but he had worked harder than any of them to get it back.

Knowing that she could simply erase the footage from the cameras later, Felicity made her way into small cellar where all the best bottles of wine were stored. They weren't used as often as the hard liquor and champagne that usually flowed like water in the club, but they were there in case someone wanted one. And right now, she didn't just want one, she desperately needed one.

She picked one up at random and stuffed it in her large purse. There was no need to check what kind it was. Whichever it was would be ridiculously expensive and probably more than she could ever afford off her old IT salary.

Sometimes being her had its merits, and she knew that no one would begrudge her this one bottle. But to be safe would still delete the footage later. Why take the risk right?

Fifteen minutes later and she was struggling with the door to her apartment. Four months the darned thing had been practically broken and refused to simply do what it was designed to do and let her in when she put the key in and twisted it in the right direction. That was how door locks were supposed to work. Only this one had decided that it would simply give her the trouble of not taking her key - even though she knew it was the right one - and when it finally did, force her to wriggle vviolently it until she opened the door. Getting the key out again was an entirely different matter.

"Need a hand there?"

She whirled around at the sound of the unfamiliar voice. Instantly John's training kicked in - along with her doubts from earlier, but she attempted to shrug these away for the moment - and she took in her surroundings. The hallway was still empty, the only new feature was the man that hung out by his doorway. Behind him were bright yellow walls and something that looked like a painting hung from the wall. Her eyes however, were instantly drawn to the man that took up most of the space there.

He was handsome, undeniably so. His dark brown hair was short on the sides, but the top was just long enough that he could comb it back into a look that was both stylish and easy. A neatly trimmed beard covered his cheeks and chin and connected to an equally trim mustache. The light brown cardigan and black button down shirt he wore were casual, as were the dark blue jeans that hung rather well from his narrow waist.  
A blush that shouldn't have been there forced its way onto Felicity's cheeks, and she swallowed thickly before replying. "The door's a little broken. I think it hates me." Her voice was more steady than she expected it to be, and she felt herself relax a little.

The stranger chuckled and raised his eyebrows at her in amusement. For some reason this only made her blush a little more, and she cleared her throat as quietly as she could. He padded over to her barefoot, and Felicity held her breath as he brushed past her. He jiggled the doorknob a little before deftly twisting it open, the door flying forward to reveal the - thankfully clean - interior of her apartment.

She bit down on her lip and gave him a look that conveyed nothing but pure embarrassment. He raised an eyebrow at her but otherwise didn't say anything.

Suddenly a thought struck her and before she could stop herself or examine it more closely she was whirling around.

"Are you new here?" She almost felt like she was just a spectator, watching her body interact with the beautiful stranger but at the same time coudln't stop the words from flowing out of her mouth without her permission.

"Yes, I moved here just last week."

"How about I make you some dinner, welcome you to the building?"

On the outside she might have appeared normal and relaxed, but her insides were raging in a battle of wills. One side of her wanted him to say no, to give her a look of scorn and rejection and simply walk back to his apartment, shut the door, and effectively end all future communication between them. That was the part of her that always screamed for her to get just a little bit closer to Oliver, to open up just a little more, to become just a little more intertwined with him.

The other part was the more logical side of her. The one that constantly screamed for her to move on, because there was just no way that he would ever look at her the way she wanted him to.

The decision was taken out of her hands as soon as she made her offer to him.

"That sounds great!" He sounded genuinely happy with her offer, and she found herself grinning at him just as happily.

"Great," she dug into her purse and pulled out the bottle of wine that she had taken from the nightclub and held it up. "I'm not sure what it is, but friends tell me its good, and I'm feeling like a glass tonight would be perfect."

If possible his smile grew just a little wider, and the effect on his features wasdevastating. He looked even more handsome. "Even better."

* * *

 

"Sorry about lying to you." She apologized for the umpteenth time that night. Felicity had already lost count of how many times she had apologized to him, but she was hoping that maybe this time he would just accept.

"I told you it's fine," he chuckled at her as he pointed his chopsticks in her direction, holding a rather delicate looking noodle between them. "Chinese food just so happens to be my favorite type of takeout."

She had gone into her apartment after he accepted her offer and eagerly walked over to her fridge. Only to find it sadly and rather pathetically empty as she swung the stainless steel door open. Between her day job, night job, and everything else that always fell in between, she had forgotten to do her grocery shopping.

Again.

She had spent the better part of the last hour apologizing to him as he simply took out his cell phone and ordered them some take out, but not before quickly asking her if she liked Chinese food.

And then he had simply shaken his head and refused to so much as let her pull out her wallet when the delivery boy showed up with their food.

That of course had sent her apologies onto another level.

"Now please stop apologizing, or I'm going to think you regret asking me to share dinner with you tonight." She pursed her lips and regarded him silently.

"I think the actual offer was to cook you dinner."

He raised his eyebrow at her as he chewed his food.

"Then maybe you can cook me dinner this Sunday."

It was her turn to raise her eyebrows at him as she sat back in her chair.

"Really?" She asked, trying and failing to fight the smile that worked its way onto her mouth.

"I mean, if you really want to apologize for lying to me." He shrugged and laughed at her falsely undignified expression as he turned the tables on her.

"Alright then, but get ready for a string bean casserole that's going to blow you away. It will literally make you moan." She blushed again and began to back pedal as quickly as possible. "Not in, you know, a weird way or anything, not that you moan, it's just that it's really good and it's taken three generations on my mothers side to get the recipe right. Oh god you probably think I'm really weird now." Her face fell into her hands and she closed her eyes as she waited for him to criticize her.

After he didn't say anything for a minute she looked up again, only to find him holding his chopsticks loosely in his right hand as he chewed on his full lower lip. "I love string bean casserole." He declared before picking up a steamed piece of broccoli and popping it into his mouth. He moaned then, making a show of the sound and rolling his eyes appreciatively before winking at her.

The sound of her laughter almost drowned out the sound of someone knocking on her front door. He twisted in his seat and looked at the door. "Were you expecting someone?" he asked her, his eyebrows furrowed together as he turned around again to regard her. She shook her head and got to her feet quickly.

"No that I know of," she declared, before quickly checking her phone again to make sure she hadn't missed any calls, texts, or appointments.

Her phone was mercifully clear, and she walked over to the door quickly as the sound of someone knocking on it - harder and more incessantly this time - rang through her apartment again.

"Oliver?"

Oliver had never before come to her front door, in fact she wasn't sure he had ever been over, much less aware of where she lived.

_Of course he knows where you live silly_ , Felicity thought to herself. Despite knowing this, she couldn't help but feel slightly taken aback at his sudden appearance.

"Felicity," he spoke her name in that strange way of his. The one he only used when he was being gentle, kind in that way that made her knees wobbly. His voice caressed her name, implying something that Felicity knew was anything but the truth.

"What can I help you with?" She asked, her tone betraying the hint of anger she felt as she remembered the original reason she had felt distraught.

He frowned at her, the gentle smile falling from his face as he regarded her closely. She was sure that there was nothing about her that could betray everything she had been thinking that afternoon, or what she had neglected to tell them. They knew better than to touch her computers, but even so she had been sure to lock all the information she had discovered away for the time being.

"I was hoping you and I could-"

Whatever he was about to say was interrupted as he looked past her and zeroed in on the man standing at the entrance to her kitchen. She turned around and saw William regarding the both of them silently. His expression was openly curious, but she knew that even his friendliness would be deterred from the hostility she could feel emanating from Oliver.

Hostility she couldn't quite understand.

"Let's talk out in the hallway," she insisted before moving past Oliver, her shoulder brushing against his side as she walked out of her apartment. "I'll be right back," she tossed over her shoulder as a last thought. She took a couple paces until she was pressed up against the wall opposite her door, and crossed her arms over her chest.

She raised her eyebrows questioningly as she waited for him to speak.

The first words that came out of his mouth were definitely not the ones she was expecting. "Who is that?" He asked, jamming his thumb behind him and pointing to the now closed door to her apartment.

"A friend," she said simply, for some reason feeling affronted at having to answer to him.

"What kind of friend?"

She scoffed and pushed off the wall, taking a couple steps to her right as she effectively put more distance between herself and Oliver.

"The friendly kind." She declared, and for once - in what felt like a lifetime of having to back pedal as her lighting fast brain somehow failed to keep control of her mouth - found herself not caring at the possible implications of what she had said.

Implications that apparently were not lost on Oliver as he scowled at her.

"We don't know anything about him." His "we" obviously referring to himself and John.

"Believe it or not Oliver I am allowed to have a life outside of you."

She hadn't meant for her words to hurt him, she had simply wanted to say them aloud, as if by doing so she could make them come true. And for the first time since she had met Oliver, she found herself wishing that she wasn't so irrevocably involved in his life.

"I know," he choked out. The hurt in his eyes was almost too much for Felicity to bare, but she held her ground, somehow knowing that the outcome of her discussion with him would forever change their dynamic. She wanted distance.

Distance was finally a good thing in her eyes.

"Then make it quick Oliver, I have to get back to my friend."

A muscle in his jaw ticked, and his fist slowly clenched and unclenched as he carefully looked over her head.

"I don't think it matters anymore."

Now it was her turn to feel hurt, but she quickly shoved the sharp feeling of her heart being squeezed aside. She didn't have a right to feel hurt when she was the one pushing him away.

"Okay then." She regarded him sadly, hoping that he would look into her eyes and let her look into him. If he could give her this, then maybe...

But he turned around and walked away, leaving her standing alone, her heart beating rapidly as if it knew that its owner was walking away from it.


	5. Us

Onwards!

**V.**

**Oliver**

His muscles were practically screaming in protest, but Oliver was good at ignoring the feeling. Exhaustion was simply a part of life, and it was something that he had long ago learned how to ignore. On the island it hadn't mattered if he was tired, or starving, or even right at the brink of death, when he needed to fight he had to fight, and when he needed to run he had to run.

Even after all of these years and the events of the last year Slade's voice still spoke out in his head whenever a situation would have him reacting in exactly the way he had been trained to. Slade's voice berated him, offered him advice, and often laughed at him and some of his more idiotic choices.

Oliver knew that he shouldn't be grateful to hear his voice after everything, but that had been a different Slade. The one who had been his brother and comrade in much the way Diggle was now.

Diggle, whose daughter was due any day now.

The staff in his arms cracked and shattered in two as he delivered a particularly harsh blow to the figure he used for training. He threw the two halves away and started to use his fists, delivering punch after punch as the sweat continued to drip down his body.

He had hoped that the physical strain would help him focus on something other than the multitude of problems he was facing with his team. He had reached a conclusion about Diggle, and he knew that his partner would not appreciate the decision that had been made for him. The man was nothing if not stubborn and proud, but Oliver knew that he was making the right choice. Diggle had something that Oliver could never have, and he didn't want his mission getting in the way of that for him, who deserved so much better than what he had been given so far and was finally about to receive it.

But while his dilemma over Diggle was a shadow on his mind, there was another problem that had him down in the foundry taking his frustrations out on the training dummy. The sight of that man standing in Felicity's apartment was seared into his memory. He had seen red, and at the time he had wanted nothing more than to beat the man soundly and toss him out of the apartment he had absolutely no business being in.

His knuckles had not been bandaged, and blood flowed freely now from the cuts and abrasions he had succeeded in making with his relentless training.

It was obvious that Felicity harbored some feelings for him, or at least had. In his worst moments she had moved him in a way that nothing else could and he had seen the affection in her eyes. Affection that he had refused to recognize for the better part of two years. Felicity was good. There was just something about her that spoke of softness, innocence, and kindness. He wouldn't - couldn't - risk something like that by possibly allowing himself to become involved more than he already was.

Though he had used it to his advantage at the time, the very realization that simply telling her that he loved her had made Felicity into a target for the man who hated him the most was terrifying.

He heard a crack and a searing pain shot up his hand. Oliver turned away from the training dummy and flexed the hand he had injured, he knew he would have to stop now. An injured hand was no good when he needed to use his bow, and if he kept going it would only get worse.

The knowledge that he had no right to her was blatant in every thought he had, and he had learned long ago that emotions were irrational. The wrong one at the wrong time could get you killed. But he couldn't seem to stop himself from wanting so desperately to allow those feelings to simply be.

She had been quiet the entire day. Something that was highly unusual for her, but he had decided to simply let her be. There had been something different between them ever since she and Diggle had run into Laurel and him in the middle of their training. Diggle had asked if they could join and he had taken one look at her. One look had been enough for him to know that he could never train her. The thought of possibly laying a hand on her, even if it was to teach her how to defend herself, was something he couldn't even bring himself to contemplate thoroughly. Even more so than that, to train someone he had to see them as an enemy. To know which way someone would attack them so he could teach them to react accordingly. He had to see them as a target. And he absolutely refused to look at Felicity that way. Not her of all people.

* * *

 

**Felicity**

It had been five days since she had invited William over to her apartment for dinner, and so far Felicity was absolutely certain of three things.

The first was that William was perhaps the most open and secret-less person she had met in what seemed almost entirely too long. It made her feel slightly guilty, knowing that she would always keep the secret of the foundry and the team from him, but after so many other times, she had grown accustomed to brushing those feelings aside when it came to her nighttime job. Unlike her though, William responded to everything with an honesty that she had initially had trouble accepting as normal. She was so used to the world of secrets and lies that someone like him seemed strange to her.

Strange in an incredible way.

The second was that William was a lot smarter than she had initially anticipated, and had even been able to understand some of the things she said to him when she got started on her computers. The glassy eyed look that usually colored everyone else's eyes remained absent from his, and she had been ecstatic that he asked her questions whenever something didn't make sense to him. Normally people would smile and nod when they didn't understand something, and that angered her more than anything else. If someone wasn't going to pay attention they should at least have the decency to admit it.

The third was that he did not like to beat around the bush, and that was why she was currently sitting at her desk practically vibrating with anticipation.

The day after their take-out dinner at her apartment he had asked her out on a date. A real date. Summoning every bit of self control that she had - especially over her mouth - Felicity had managed a simple yes.

While her declaration that she had a life outside of the Arrow and his crusade had been mostly false at the time (because seriously what else did she do besides that and watch season after season of every show that caught her interest on Netflix?) she was determined to make it true now. William was just a very happy way of doing so.

She could feel it again, the slight crawl of her skin as she sensed Oliver's eyes on her. Fighting down the shiver that threatened to shake her she focussed on the coin in her hands. She kept waiting for the information she had learned to just come out of her like it always did, but something held her back, and she didn't have the slightest clue as to what. She tore her gaze from the coin in her fingers to look at Oliver through the glass walls that separated her desk from his office. He was staring at his tie with an intense interest that instantly let her know that he had looked away from her the moment she had turned her head.

The small smile that spread across her lips died quickly. His avoidance was exactly why she was upset with him now. She couldn't shake the feeling that he had been on the verge of saying something important that day in her hallway, but he had once again decided to simply avoid talking. Oliver was brave when it came to many things, but dealing with friends and family was something that she had quickly discovered was something that left him out of his element.

The alarm on her phone went off, signaling that it was the end of her workday. On days like this, when she had no choice but to be near him when she so desperately wished for distance, she found herself wishing she still worked as a tech support and sales clerk... and those had been particularly dark days.

She knew he had resumed watching her the moment she began to gather her things. If anything, leaving exactly on time was not something that she usually did. Normally she would stay as long as he did, sometimes even longer as she worked ahead so as to free her weekend of work. But today she was eager to get home and get ready for her dinner date. While William was impeccably charming and would no doubt say something nice about her appearance, she still felt like she owed it to him to make it easy for him to say such things and not make him a liar.

And so her things were gathered in record time, the Wisdom Coin (as she had taken to calling it) clutched safely in her fist, over sized purse that had just enough space for her laptop tossed over her shoulder, and headed towards the executive elevator.

She pretended she didn't see him get up the instant he realized she was leaving. It really was very strange of her to leave so early. The sharp staccato of her heels clicking against the floor was all she let herself focus on, the sight of Oliver walking briskly towards her in her peripheral vision something she didn't let herself think about. The doors dinged open immediately after she pressed the button, and she stepped in. They didn't close quickly enough for her, and she looked up just in time to see him still walking towards her, his mouth opening to say something.

The doors closed just as her name began to fall from his lips, "Feli-".

* * *

 

**Oliver**

It was easier to pretend that it hadn't hurt. Once so very rare in his life, rejection was much more familiar to him now. It was the product of his secrets, the darkness that he knew constantly surrounded him and scarred off those who made the mistake of thinking they could be near him without getting hurt.

He knew she had seen him, the tense set of her shoulders betraying exactly what she was feeling. Oliver couldn't quite remember when he had learned to read her so well. What every little expression meant, what it meant when she worried her full bottom lip with her teeth, what each sigh (because there was a variety of them: tired, frustrated, resigned, happy, the list was endless) meant. All he knew was that he could read her now. It was something he liked about his friendship with her, something that was just so… solid.

She was a constant. Someone who could be trusted, was invaluable, and could be turned to in times of need. Felicity alone knew him and understood him in a way that took him entirely too long to realize that he loved. What this left him wondering was whether he was in love with Felicity. He loved her, of course he did. But love was tricky, it had many different faces, and despite all the experience he had garnered over years and years, even his own feelings sometimes confused him.

So yes, it was easier to pretend that her ignoring him didn't hurt. But at the moment it wasn't something the sharp twist in his chest let him do. He debated going after her for a quick second, before deciding that it was probably better to give her space.

He made his way back to his desk and plopped himself down on his chair. Already the office seemed lonelier without her presence, without the rapid clicking on keyboards as her hands flew across them with a speed that made his with a bow and arrow look amateurish at best.

The cell phone in his hand seemed at least ten times heavier than it really was. He unlocked it quickly and pulled up the contact of the one person he felt could give him some type of advice.

The phone went to voicemail, but he wasn't really surprised. Despite her many texts about her current location, she never answered.

"Thea... hey." His mouth felt dry, and the lump in his throat felt particularly thick. Ever since he returned she had begged him to open up to her, and now here he was hoping desperately that she would take pity and answer his questions and doubts. "I'm not really sure what to say..." he paused again and counted his own heart beat.

1... 2... 3... 4... 5...

"It's hard for me to explain. I just... I need some help with something and I'm afraid I'm a little out of my element here. Please... call me back Thea." He left the unspoken words linger on his mouth for a second, wanting to say "I miss you" but at the same time unable to admit it.

He ended the call and stared at his phone.

Three hours later it pinged as he walked over to gather his supplies to sharpen his arrows. He pulled it out quickly and starred at the screen curiously.

She hadn't called back, but Thea knew him well, perhaps more than he gave her credit for.

The text was simple and short, but for some reason he felt like she had given him the answer he had refused to accept was the only one left. "Let them in Ollie."

* * *

 

**Felicity**

**Four Months Later-**

She gave an appreciative twirl as she looked in the mirror. The dress she had picked for tonight was one of her favorites. A deep cerulean that shimmered like water whenever she moved and seemed to flow in her stillness. She had saved for the better part of three months for the dress, and she was happy to finally have an excuse to wear it. William had asked her to dinner yet again - with the same bashful expression on his face as always, despite the fact that no matter how many times he asked she had always said yes - and told her that they were going somewhere fancy. He tried to take her to nice places as often as he could, but she kept telling him it wasn't necessary. A simple dinner at the Big Belly Burger was all she really needed to feel satisfied.

Still, it didn't stop him from trying for the fancy places as often as he could swing them, and then refusing to let her help pay. "Please, I insisted we come here, let it be my treat." When he wasn't looking she usually snuck the tip he had put down back into his jacket and left her own cash behind for the server.

The blush that colored her cheeks was definitely not new when it came to him, but at the same time she didn't feel embarrassed for it anymore. She was surprisingly articulate when she was around William, he was just so calm and dependable, and she was sure that was the main reason she suddenly developed a brain-to-mouth filter when she was around him. The pace of his life was turtle speed compared to that of Oliver and John's, and she found it… refreshing.

She knew should feel guilty for feeling so. That was one part of her double life that she had never been quite able to get over, and it was how out of balance she seemed to feel on occasion. Not as if she didn't belong, because John and Oliver always did their best to make sure she felt like she did, but simply the knowledge that she wasn't cut from the same cloth they were.

Even Roy, who had been a part of the team for an even smaller amount of time than she, seemed to fit in more than she did. Felicity wasn't as strong as they were, as capable of compartmentalizing and rationalizing through everything, especially in life or death situations, at least when she was on the field. Safe behind her computers was another story all together, and it was there that she felt her most useful.

They had praised her, but she knew that the time with the Clock King had been a fluke, she hadn't been allowed to think, she had simply run, pushed Sara, and pressed her tablet. Nothing more than a fluke.

In William she found the sense of security she had been looking for without even realizing it.

The doorbell rang, and she felt her heart skip a beat in that way that had her feeling elated and guilty all at the same time. Elated because she truly did like William. Guilty because she didn't like him as much as she knew she could if it wasn't for…

She shook her head vehemently, risking loosening the elegant bun with just a few stray strand framing her face that had taken her what seemed like forever to get just right. The door flew open as she eagerly thrust it aside, and the smile that spread across her face showed nothing of the guilt she had been thinking of not two seconds ago.

She was discovering quickly that William was beautiful not just physically, but a internally as well. Sometimes she would stare at her phone, pondering just what to text him back after he had sent her a new text. Completely out of the blue and unexpected the first time it had happened, but something she looked forward to every day now. The first one had been a paragraph about something that had just occurred that he found particularly humorous, she had responded quickly, eager to hear more. And that had been just the beginning. Nearly every day he sent her a new one, always something funny that would make her smile or laugh.

Felicity wasn't quite sure why she found that particular trait so charming. Maybe because she rarely got any messages that weren't urgent ones that required her to hack her way into some government agency or other, but it had quickly become one of her favorite things about him.

William blew out a low whistle as he took her in, his eyes widening appreciatively as he took her in. It had a deep v-neck that showed just enough of her cleavage to be classy while still somewhat provocative, the sleeves simple straps of cloth that wrapped around her arms just below her shoulders and connected int he middle with a small bow. She grinned at him and gave him a once over too, pursing her lips.

"Not liking what you're seeing?" He asked, his eyebrow raised questioningly at her. She simply shrugged wrinkled her nose in mockingly.

"Don't know, guess you'll have to wait to find out." William nodded solemnly and stretched out his arm, offering her his hand. She took it happily and hummed with approval as his warm large, warm hand wrapped gently around her comparatively tiny one. She grabbed her purse from the table beside her doorway and checked quickly to make sure she had everything she needed.

After locking her door behind her she wrapped her arm around his and leaned into his side, walking at a comfortable pace next to him as he led them to the elevator. It was in that moment that she noticed just one more thing about him, and that was how easily the contact came to them both. She didn't think twice about it, she simply reached out and touched and connected.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, his frown even more upsetting to her because of the bright smile that had preceded it.

"Us," she answered simply.

"And that makes you sad?"

She gave him a smile that she hoped portrayed everything she wanted to say, but was sure it was definitely too much to say out loud so soon.

"It makes me happy that it's so easy, it just seems like it works. I was thinking about how it's never been like this before. I wasn't sad because of us, I was sad because up until now I'd never had it before, and it made me realize that it's something I could have never realized I actually needed."

"That's a lot to think about."

"It is, but thanks to you I think I finally have enough time to think what everything really means."

"Good or bad?" He looked genuinely worried, and she giggled shyly at him before reaching up to swipe a stray hair that escaped his well groomed do.

"Good."

* * *

 

"So if you don't mind my asking, why are you Oliver Queen's executive assistant when your career is in IT?"

Felicity honestly wasn't surprised that he had just come out with the question. It was how it normally worked. There was no small talk, no easing into things. They simply started talking, about anything and everything. Childhood adventures, teenage mistakes, college shenanigans, future plans, absolutely everything.

She appraised him for a quick second, before deciding to tell him the truth. At least enough of it so that she wasn't a liar, but omitted the stuff she knew he could never know.

"Before Oliver took over Queen Consolidated he ran the night club Verdant, when he needed someone to help him through some of the more difficult technological aspects they sent him to me. I guess it just kind of stuck that whenever he needed an IT expert, I was his go-to person. After he became CEO he needed an assistant. So I became his Girl Wednesday."

William gave her a humorous look before chuckling, his nose wrinkling in that attractive way of his whenever he found something funny. "Isn't it supposed to be Girl Friday?"

"Apparently Oliver Queen needed one Wednesday."

He shook his head and kept laughing appreciatively, his shoulders shaking slightly. She grinned at him and felt herself relax just a little, not having realized before just how tense she got whenever he asked questions that involved her nightlife.

"Are you happy there?" His question was innocent enough, but suddenly she felt tired as she thought about how best to answer him. She knew the exhaustion wasn't from him, but rather the slew of emotional ups and downs she had experienced over the last couple months when it came to Oliver Queen.

She held up a finger as she spooned some of the soup in front of her into her mouth, taking the her time as she tasted the broth and let the small bits of carrot. She thought about how best to answer him, because in all reality… no she wasn't happy. At least not there, but unhappy wasn't exactly the right term either.

"It's hard to explain." She declared finally. He opened his mouth to say something but she shook her head and held up her hand, silently telling him that he would still get his answer. "I'm there because I'm needed, because Oliver is a good friend and I can't leave him to the corporate wolves just yet. Especially not after he just got the company back. For a second there we were afraid we'd lose the board to Ray Palmer, a corporate tycoon that wanted the company. I'll be there as long as it's the right thing to do and the right place to be. But I plan on going back to IT as soon as possible. Maybe not in the same company… who knows, maybe I'll start my own IT company." The last bit surprised her, mostly because it was a dream of hers from long ago. One she had almost completely forgotten about, and one that surprised her to realize she still wanted.

"Smoak Enterprises, has a nice ring to it."

She looked up from her spoon, having preferred to look at it instead of him. Sometimes the openness in his eyes was a bit too much for her. She simply wasn't used to it.

But she looked up now, and felt her heart give a little swell as realized that he never did judge. If he wanted to know, it was simply because he wanted to know her better.

Unfortunately a phone rang out at that moment, and she blinked and realized that the moment was quickly lost. Even after all this time, she still found it hard to stay in moments like these long. She was used to being kept at bay, only let in occasionally, and then quickly showed the way out.

Her eyebrows scrunched in confusion as he pulled his phone out. He'd never done that before, but then again his phone had never used that particular ring alert either. The frown that decorated his features was also new, and she saw the worry that lit up his eyes.

"It's okay," she said, reaching across the table to give his fingers a firm squeeze. "You can go if you need to." Felicity wasn't sure why she said that, nothing he had done in the short three seconds since looking at his phone implied that he needed to leave, but she felt it was the right thing to say.

"It's my mom… I'm sorry I really don't want to leave, but I have to go."

"It's okay," she repeated, smiling sadly at him. Whatever it was clearly had him worried enough to leave, and the thought of even holding such a thing against him seemed repugnant to him. Family should always come first, and she was sure that if she had any real family left she would do so as well.

He leaned over the table and gave her a quick kiss. Her breath caught in her throat, much like it did every time he kissed her. It was just one more thing she hadn't gotten used to, but that she liked more than she could ever admit.

The warmth of where his lips had pressed against hers tingled slightly as she watched him leave quickly, but not before stopping by the hostess and whisper something in her ear. Her phone rang from somewhere inside her purse and she looked down to pull it out. By the time she looked up again he was gone.

Not feeling particularly hungry anymore twirled her spoon around in the broth slowly. The food here was ridiculously expensive, and she was determined to eat all of it if only to make the trip worthwhile.

"Is this seat taken?"

Her heart gave a painful little squeeze as she recognized the voice. She tore her gaze away from her soup and looked up to see Oliver standing behind the chair that William had vacated not ten minutes ago.

Not for the first time she wondered if he picked out his own suits or if someone else did his shopping for him. Each one seemed to fit him perfectly and was the epitome of sophistication and class. Oliver carefully shopping for suits just didn't match her perception of him, and she found it comical to even entertain the vision of him doing so.

As it was she didn't let the amusement she felt with the thought show. Her mouth set into a thin line she nodded. Oliver took the seat without hesitation, and flagged down a waiter.

"How did you know I was here? Better yet, how did you just get in like nothing. I'm pretty sure William made these reservations three weeks ago."

Oliver said nothing, and instead raised an eyebrow at her.

"Right, you're Mr. Oliver Queen."

"It has its advantages some times." His tone didn't imply any sort of smugness, and she took it for what it meant. He wasn't showing off or even trying to, it was simply a fact. His last name opened doors for him that would normally not open for just anyone.

"And the disadvantages?" Felicity's voice was quiet, certain that her question would receive an incredibly vague answer that would simultaneously respond to her unspoken one. The past couple of months had changed the dynamic between them. The shaky but easy friendship that they had established over the course of two years was nearly inexistent. Aside from her helping him as his assistant and as the nighttime tech expert, they rarely exchanged words.

Felicity had to constantly remind herself that this was what she had wanted. She hand wanted distance, the lines to be drawn clearly. Sometimes, before she had decided to on the distance, unspoken maybes had hung between them, and they were simply something she couldn't take anymore.

So when Oliver opened his mouth and answered her, it was not what she was expecting at all.

"Being in the public eye, the lack of privacy when it comes to certain things I'd rather keep to just friends and family. That was maybe the hardest thing growing up. I couldn't do anything, especially not mistakes, without the entirety of Starling City knowing about it."

His eyes were clouded as he seemed to remember what his life had been like prior to Lian Yu. She frowned at him, his honest reply confusing her. This wasn't what it was supposed to be like. She had worked hard to make sure to put distance between them, so what was he doing now?

"Oliver, how did you know I was here?" She repeated the question he had ignored.

"I always know where you are." That got her. She blanched at his words, and leaned back in her seat, her arms crossed firmly over her chest as her jaw clenched and unclenched.

"That's an invasion of privacy."

He merely shrugged, and didn't even have the decency to look apologetic.

"I feel better when I know where you are."

"And do you know where Diggle is all the time?"

He looked her dead in the eye, his vibrant blue eyes - the same color of her dress she realized - piercing.

"No."

She took a deep breath, her shoulders shaking with the emotion Felicity was hiding so hard suppress. What are you doing Oliver? She couldn't handle it again. She refused to let herself be let in, only to be pushed away as soon as she got too deep, she doubted her heart could handle it.

So she went with the only thing she could do. Get answers to her questions. Somehow she felt that this, their faux shared dinner, would change everything again. "Why are you here Oliver?"

He frowned at her then, his head doing that cute tilting to the side thing it did whenever he regarded her.

Again, his answer was not one she was prepared to hear. "I came to see you."

Her mouth fell open and her eyebrows rose, she was sure the expression looked comical, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

"We've been… distant for a while now. I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

He took a deep breath, biting his bottom lip and then letting it go as he blew the air out. "About us."

She smiled at him, but the smile was a sad one, because she already knew she wouldn't like the outcome of this conversation.

"There is no 'us' Oliver."

It was his turn to smile at her, but his seemed just a tad bit amused, and she couldn't help the gasp that left her as he answered her. "There's always been an 'us' Felicity. Just not the type of us we bot wanted." The implication of what he was really saying wasn't lost on her.

"Oliver… I don't want hear this."

"I know…"

"Then why?" She pleaded. The uncertainty was starting to wear away at her much more quickly than she thought it would.

"Because I need to say it."

"No." Her voice took on the strength she needed it to, and suddenly she was glad for everything he had done to push her away. It made what she was about to say that much easier.

"Felicity…" his voice was pleading, the look in his eyes one of desperation as he leaned across the table. His hand reached for hers, but she snatched it away, holding it tightly against her chest.

"I can't do this anymore Oliver, I can't."

"Do what Felicity?" He demanded, his jaw tight as he fixed her with an expression that confused her and scarred her and gave her hope all at the same time.

"They maybes Oliver. I know what you're going to say, because I've wanted you to say it for so long, but that's not for you to say. Not anymore."

"Why, because of William?"

"No Oliver!" She practically screamed, and the silence that followed was nearly deafening. Nearly everyone in the restaurant was looking at them now, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

"Then why?"

Her breath came in short angry bursts before she was finally able to say something. "Because of me. Because I don't want to do this with you. Because I can't do this with you. I deserve better. It's taken me a long time to realize it, but I can't go back now. I want someone who will let me in, who won't question whether they're doing the right thing every moment they're with me. I need normal."

Tears began to fall down her cheeks, unbidden and unrestrained, and as much as she knew she needed this, she hated the hurt he saw flash across his face.

"Normal…" he spoke the word as if it was alien to him, his voice cracked just a little at the end.

"I'm sorry," she whispered finally. She reached down and snatched her purse from where it hung from her chair.

Her heart screamed at her as she began to walk away as fast as she could. Why? Why was she walking away when this was what she had wanted for so long? Because she did. She wanted it all, she wanted him, she wanted the foundry, she wanted her team. But how long would it be before it all came crashing down? Before something happened that had Oliver deciding that it was just too dangerous, and that she would be better off not being with him. It was one of his super powers after all, shouldering everything. He wouldn't ask her what she wanted, what she thought was best for her, he would simply make the decision for her.

She wanted it all, but at the same time, she didn't want it at all.

* * *

 

Her doorbell rang for the second time that night, and when she opened it she wasn't sure who she thought she would see.

"Hey."

William stood there, his eyes red and his hair a mess on top of his head, as if he had been running his fingers through it over and over until it no longer was the stylish do he normally kept it in.

"Hey," she responded, opening the door wide for him.

"It's my mom," he said again, but this time the words had a different meaning.

"It'll be okay." It was all she could say, and she hoped that the words would communicate everything she was hoping they would. That she would be there for him, she would support him no matter what, because even though she knew she loved Oliver, there was a part of her heart that cared deeply for William, too. Maybe not love just yet, but she knew it could be.

She led him to her room, and simply held him as he rested his head against her stomach. Soon sleep took them both, and when they woke up in the morning they made love for the first time. It was slow and sweet, and while she didn't see fireworks like she thought she would, she felt her heart swell with emotion as they came together.

This was where she needed to be.


End file.
